I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
