i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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