Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I need to sanitize my soul.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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