so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
