Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
