I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
