You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
