are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
