Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Congratulations! We have a period
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