So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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