did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
