are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
