In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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