I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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