If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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