maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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