New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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