I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
