you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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