woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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