You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize