I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
