She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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