OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
