He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
