Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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