in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
