I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
