hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
