dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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