I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
