my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
