I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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