i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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