While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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