he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
