I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
