I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
