I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Houston, we have a blender
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
