It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
