you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
