Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
