I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
