i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
