The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
