I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
