No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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