I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
