What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
