if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
