i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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