my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
they need to just BURY HIM!
can u get pink eye on your cock?
It was confusing and full of hummus
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
