i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
