I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
