and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
nutella sex= disaster
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
