Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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