when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
