She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
