??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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