Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize