I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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