Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
