hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
We need to rekindle our bromance
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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