Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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