I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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