Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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