My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Randomize
