I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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