I just made out with a guy for $7.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
