Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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