Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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