Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
home. puking in laundry basket.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
