Already got asked if we're dating
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
