there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
