Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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