fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
what day is it and did you see me today?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
