I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
